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Last night was one of those nights.
The kind of night, up with the baby. Then losing myself in mindless Facebook scrolling. Feeling worse and worse about myself.
Yesterday was one of those days. A hard one. A really hard one.
I'd fully admit: possibly the hardest one so far. Of the last few months.
Losing myself in the inadequacies of motherhood. The inadequacies of being a wife. The inadequacies of keeping house.
The entire day was like stumbling through a dry, barren desert. Insanely thirsty for some kind of relief. Except everything I grabbed for to try to quench the stress only compounded it. Because I quickly realized, everything I reached for...was simply a mirage. Mindlessly scrolling through the "perfection" of others' photos. Stewing in my anger from the day. Wallowing in my frustration. Grasping for anything-and-everything tangible. Thinking even God couldn't handle the heaviness of the day.
I never got a break yesterday. It was so very desperately needed, but it never happened. So, I took my break, after a breathing treatment with a precious baby.
At 3:30 this morning. The only quiet time of the day. The only time I could find to be alone with Him.
And so, I prayed. I asked for forgiveness.
I asked for help. So much help. So, so much help.
I asked Him to meet me. When I couldn’t find the time to go seek Him. Right there in the middle of my crazy mess.
I asked Him for grace. I asked Him for guidance. I asked Him for a better day today.
And in the midst of quietly talking with Him, He ever-so gently reminded me: "You are not alone. I am here with you." (Hebrews 13:5)
He added more beautiful reassurance. As He laid the scripture out before me. And I slowly felt this grace-filled lightness about my body.
I stayed up for a while longer. Losing myself in the rhythmic infant sleeping. Thinking about those very words.
"You are not alone. I am here with you."
And how, as mothers especially, we all-too-often forget this promise...
To the mama feeling like the only one in the world raising her voice from dawn-to-dusk. You are not alone, sweet mama. He is right next to you, hands on your shoulders, when your voice raises in frustration and anger. As He carefully nudges you to take a deep breath and inhale the blessing of their presence.
To the mama, feeling horrible for letting her kids fend for themselves, more than she ever would before. You are not alone, sweet mama. As He is right there, walking the day’s path with your little ones. Never straying, even amidst those moments you feel like you haven’t been able to give them enough. Or truthfully, anything at all.
To the mama, not quite ready for the world to reopen so freely. Out of fear of wanting to protect her little cubs. You are not alone, sweet mama. As He is right there, whispering into your ear that He understands your fears. Showing up through scripture, reassuring words from friends and family; helping you put on your Armor of His Word as you venture out into the world. Shielding your children under His wings.
To the mama, tired of feeling so completely inadequate, scrolling aimlessly through social media for a small mental break. You are not alone, sweet mama. He is right there, as you lose yourself in comparison to others. Hand under your chin, gently turning your face back to His, so you aren’t tempted to look elsewhere. Delicately whispering, “My child, there's simply no one to compare to you.”
To the mama, missing the comfort of her own mom. You are not alone, sweet mama. He’s right there. Right next to your mom. As an angel, looking down below. Or, as a concerned mama, keeping her distance from afar. Connecting you both through His power in the Holy Spirit.
To the mama, hanging on by life’s tiniest thread. Ready to snap to pieces at any given moment. You are not alone, sweet mama. As He’s right there, replacing your broken rope. Tying your threads back together, one strand at a time. Sewing back together what the fear of the world has torn apart.
To the mama, feeling short of guiding her own children’s emotional stability while hers is falling to pieces. You are not alone, sweet mama. He’s right there, catching your tears, arms wrapped tightly around your fragile frame. As He shields the mental health of your children under the protection of His flawless wings. Bringing to light the innocence of laughter, just when it's needed the most.
To the mama, feeling completely invisible through her daily, mundane work. You are not alone. You are seen, beloved mama. You are so very seen. He is right there, watching your every. single. task. as a mother. Quietly renewing your visibility. In the depths of feeling completely invisible. As you complete His most precious work. Building the kingdom of motherhood for your children.
You are not alone. You will never be alone. Now matter how much you feel alone.
Because, He is right there, sweet mamas.
He’s right there. Just a tear away. Just a cry for help from your lips to His ears. Just a prayerful whisper to Heaven.
Right there. Ready to quench your thirst for adequacy. Ready to heal your hurting heart. Ready to turn each mirage into a heavenly oasis here on Earth.
Because, precious mamas, never for once were you meant to walk through this journey of motherhood alone. For as you carry the loads of your own beloved children, He has not, for one moment, ceased carrying you.
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