Surrender

Surrender.

This word.

It has been finding its way more and more to the front pages of my life’s story. Popping up in recent social media feeds. Shining through those so-totally-needed and always refreshing scripture words. Catching my eye mid-page in the midst of some very rare personal reading time.

Surrender.

Yield. Relinquish. Concede.

In Christianity, “surrender” literally means to empty oneself, and to allow Christ to live through the believer. Something that I pray about as often as I am in conversation with Him. Yet, something that took on different meaning last week.

Oh friends, I l.i.t.e.r.a.l.l.y. felt like I could not catch my breath. Up early. Squeezing in grocery-trip-dashes between laundry, cleaning up the house and needing to get the girls from preschool. Racing to work. Pushing myself through a fading energy (which is oh-so-needed with six-and-seven-year-olds) in the classroom, only to prepare for evening soccer practices. All while looming thoughts of packing up an entire house, making preparations at our “new” house and a quickly-filling calendar whirled through my mind. I cannot even fathom how quickly my husband’s mind was spinning, as he is pulling together this entire transition for our family.

Blessings, friends. These are all blessings. But as any tired mama will attest to, when any seemingly small hiccup bounces its way into our paths, anxiety builds. And when more than one speed-bump arises?! You guessed it. Anxiety sky-rockets.

And instead of surrendering myself to His will for me, His plans and His guidance; I tried to take on the entirety of the worrying, scrambling and “fixing” myself. Before I knew it, an emptiness had taken over me. Sure, I pushed myself through the motions of each day, but inside, knots and butterflies. That certainly made themselves known through each quiet moment of my day. Those times when it’s so still that your mind has nothing other to keep it occupied than those apprehensive thoughts that have been festering during the constant busyness.

I seriously could not get through my prayers. My mind was wandering. This happens occasionally. But nothing like last week. I felt lost. Exhausted. Worried. About how we were going to get this all finished, while keeping the girls in a happy and routine place. Without rocking their world. And it’s starting to shake. They are noticing. Things are going to change. And even if that change can be considered exciting, children are still creatures of routine. And extremely observant about life’s occurrences. Which makes it much harder for this mama to focus on the tasks at hand.

So, after nearly six hours of soccer games, visiting the “new” house and just spending some time outside on Saturday; we finally got the girls home and winding down. They were beat. And so was I. In the middle of two loads of laundry and sticky, stained dishes prompting me with their dirty looks, I found myself taking a deep breath and whispering to myself…“Just go upstairs. Give yourself a break. It’s not going anywhere. You can finish them later.”

And that’s just what I did. With a book in hand. Sneaking into Baby Nugget’s room. Crawling into her glider. Quietly opening up where I left off. As the words starting pouring into my soul. Page after page. All about surrendering.

“Choosing the freedom that comes when we realize it is not our job to control everything and everyone in our lives. Choosing to embrace our place in the story and follow Christ’s lead rather than passively wait for events to happen.”” We take what He has given us–our kingdom and our rule–and we align it with His kingdom and His rule. We are neither all-important, nor meaningless, in His universe. All we have to do is get aligned and let Him do the rest.” (~Nicole Unice; She’s Got Issues)

Gulp. That was me, beautiful souls. I found myself stuck. Trying to control anything and everything surrounding me. Desperately attempting to keep a grasp on life. Yet, so totally overwhelmed in doing so, that I pushed myself into a rut, “passively waiting“. Unaligned. And so distracted, that I could not even ask for His help to get back on track.

Unice continues on the topic, citing Isaiah 30:

“God promises that He will respond regularly (verse 18) and instantly if we wait for him (verse 19). That difficult situations do not mean He is absent (verse 20), and He will respond specifically to our requests (verse 21).”

Help. The greatest help available. Just a whisper away.

As long as we are willing to surrender our own plans. Our own desires to control. To figure it all out—from top-to-bottom; head-to-toe; start-to-finish. Then, and only then, will we begin to notice change. In our spirits. Our character. Our ambition. Staying calm(er) through those unexpected hiccups. Staying steadfast in a more accepting attitude.

All made possible through one mere act.

Surrender.

“The eyes of the Lord search the whole Earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him” (2 Chronicles 16:9).

And once we find ourselves in tune with His plans, His path and His hand holding ours; quietly surrendering our hearts, souls and minds to His incredible blueprints for each of us...it is at those moments when calm, ease and tranquility will come shining through. When our influence and ability to impact others becomes tenfold. Knowing that if we “give Him our everything, {we can feel safe in knowing} that He’ll use every last shred, good and bad, enabling us to channel His love and compassion in {every single one of} our spheres of influence” (~Nicole Unice; She’s Got Issues).