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I will never forget that question.
Her huge, caramel-brown eyes, accompanying her sweet innocence.
“What are those purple things, mama?”
I had just stepped out of another five-minute shower, wrapped in a towel, in a whirlwind, once again, to get out the door on time. But her question had stopped me in my tracks. Because they were always something I had tried to hide. To be honest, I despised the little purple lines, decorating my thigh with a collection of tiny river branches.
I tried my best to explain them to her curious five-year-old heart:
“Oh, babe, those are veins. You have veins too, remember? These veins on Mommy’s leg are very special though. A lot of times, Mommy really doesn’t like them. But, there is one thing I absolutely love about them!”
“What’s that?” she inquired, tracing along the violet squiggles.
“These veins got like this, because of you and your sisters. When you were in Mommy’s belly, Mommy had to carry around a lot of extra weight from you growing in there. That weight pushed down on my legs. So, now, I have these special veins. And they remind me every day of just how blessed I am to have you girls here!”
Her big, wet hug let me know that although her age only equaled the number of fingers on her tiny hands, she understood.
Today is Mother’s Day, beloved souls.
A beautifully emotional, raw and bittersweet day. It is a day chocked-full of feelings.
Heartache.
Weariness.
Jealousy.
Hurt.
Anger.
Resentment.
Surprise.
Joy.
And celebration.
Sweet mamas, so very many times, we don’t ever stop and think about just. what. our. bodies. go. through., physically and emotionally, amidst the process of becoming a mother.
Whether it’s biological…
Adoptive…
Surrogate…
In the waiting, as an incredible-yet-soon-to-be-someday mama…
In-the-pain…
Or buried deep within our hearts.
We each have those “scars” left behind. In essence, our own personal road map to motherhood.
-An incision across your abdomen.
-The oh-so-important baby weight still lingering.
-Bruises from the shots.
-A medicine cabinet stocked-full of fertility meds.
-Lingering feelings of jealousy and resentment.
-Back pain.
-“Embarrassing” veins.
-Stretch marks where you didn’t know they could exist.
-Swollen eyes from heartache, and then joy.
-Memories. Forever stored away in the back of your mind.
You see, beautiful friends, our road maps to becoming mothers will all look so. very. different. For some, it may seem effortless (and totally unfair to a sweet, hurting heart), until you truly open the pages of the book to her personal story. For others, it may require medical assistance or other support. For others, it may include fostering or adoption. And yet, for some, it may just be letting go, and letting God take control of what is yet to come, because this is a chapter of your life-story that you truly never expected.
Darling, gorgeous mamas…
Mamas-to-be…
Missing-your-own-mama, mamas…
Empty-nest, mamas…
Broken-hearted-angel-babies-looking-down-upon-you, mamas…
In-the-hoping, mamas…
Pain-so-deep-you-can’t-bear-it, mamas…
Please remember this…
There are so m.a.n.y. countless, amazing, strong-yet-wavering women all around you, who have experienced the exact same struggles. Often, in complete silence. So, you would never, ever know. Please know, there will be a day when God’s plan will be completely unfolded before your eyes, and you will realize, once again, that hindsight is always 20/20.
You will fully understand that you would never be the mother you are today, or the one you are meant to become…
without each tear in your roadmap;
without each extra day, week, month and year of waiting;
without inhaling the beauty that surrounds you and practicing daily gratitude;
and most of all, without carving out the time needed to take the very best care of yourself, to one day become the very best mother you can ever be.
Because, I KNOW in my heart, and from personal experience, sweet souls, that God’s plan will never fail us. It will one day completely and totally over-joy you.
“For I know the plans I have for you, ” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
Hope.
And a future.
Our journey may be one that we never expected. But that doesn’t mean it’s without purpose.
So, next time you step out of the shower, dearest mama, don’t rush.
Instead, take a good, long look in the mirror. And never, ever forget what each of those scars, incisions, stretch marks, bruises, tears and heartbreaks along your road map to motherhood truly mean.
Own them.
Love them.
Realize their worth.
No matter how vulnerable you may feel.
They brought life into this world. Maybe still yet to come…
But, in one way or another, they are a landmark in this journey.
And that makes them all part of the miracle.
And to those ready-to-give-up mamas-in-the-waiting, please don’t roll up that road map just yet; because the journey (joy and “best”) is most definitely still yet to come. Even when the aching desire to become a mother runs deeper and with more pain than you think anyone can understand.
God’s got something amazingly extra-special in mind, just for you.
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