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Three weeks ago, I fell asleep at our dining room table. Our temporary homeschooling table. A quarter-to-four in the afternoon, as our girls were quietly working on a writing piece. We had a week full of rescheduled doctor appointments from March, April and May, including two back-to-back 7:00 AM appointments. And a baby not sleeping through the night. Eight weeks into at-home learning with four school-aged girls.
I couldn't hold it together any longer.
And, my body gave in.
So, I called it a day.
I wanted to call it a week.
I'm beyond-ready to call it a year.
Just plain-and-simply over it.
For the last few months, I finally felt like a tiny bit of normalcy has returned to life, and I suddenly felt a renewed energy burning in my heart and soul. And then, just like a line of dominoes, everything began to catch up to me, until finally, the last domino fell.
And, so did I.
So, I picked myself up from the able.
And, I walked away.
I asked everyone to please give me thirty minutes. And I tucked myself under a cozy Peppa Pig blanket on our couch and crashed.
My first alarm went off, and I silenced it. I decided right then that Math was cancelled for the afternoon.
Then, my second alarm went off.
I turned my phone upside down.
I just needed a few moments.
A few moments to step away.
A few moments to curl up in a ball of rest.
A few moments to forget the heaviness that suddenly felt so suffocating.
A few moments to gather myself and suit back up for battle once again. Against the year the enemy is sure will break us. But, the year God still so fully believes can make us.
I simply needed a break from 2020; so as not to let 2020 break me.
I think the most ironic part of this year has been this extra time we were given to rest. This beautiful gift that the world attempted to unwrap, until we suddenly became distracted; like a child on Christmas morning with a pile of gifts surrounding. As we lost interest in this borrowed treasure and became stuck deep within "the everything going wrong" mentality, covering our world like a thick, grey cloud.
Losing ourselves in
the stress;
the worry;
the uncertainty;
the political bashing;
the violence and hatred;
the incessant need to be "right"'
the constant "Groundhog Day" feel as we wake up each morning;
Instead of resting, we have found ourselves completely exhausted.
Whether we want to believe it or not, there is a spiritual war-zone greater than anything our minds can imagine, hanging over the earth right now.
And God and His angels?
Never for once have they stopped fighting.
Yet their greatest deterrent?
Not the enemy.
But us.
His children.
Standing firmly in His way.
Thinking WE know best.
Thinking OUR ways are far better.
Thinking WE have it all planned out.
And every day, as He continues to ceaselessly fight; He also ceaselessly prays.
That we will simply step out of His way.
And let Him finish the job.
Redeeming the year.
Making straight our pathways, once again.
If we just let Him.
The only thing He asks of us?
To suit up in the armor of His words each morning.
Fighting the great fight of faith itself.
And instead of trying to stand in front of Him;
humbly and graciously step behind Him.
To stay out of His way, allowing Him to fight the battle that was never ours to fight. Embracing the belief that our only part in the fight is to simply believe in Him.
Turning it all over to Him, and clinging ever-so-tightly to His promise to carry us through life's greatest storms. If we can just keep our eyes fixated on Him as we walk across the water, holding His hands, and then resting quietly and firmly in our faith, as He steers the boat clear of the squall, once more.
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith" 2 Timothy 4:7
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